Dallas and Fort Worth Doulas help with breastfeeding

The Secret Lives of Breasts

mariapokluda breastfeeding, Dallas, doula, Fort Worth

It’s World Breastfeeding Week! There are going to be so many great blogs about breastfeeding available over the next few days and I recommend that expecting women (and their partners) check them ALL out.  Breastfeeding is important and it is serious, but it can also be fun too!

I have collected several quotes related to the humor of nursing a baby. You need solutions?  Go read those other blogs this week, or call us at Great Expectations and one of our doulas can help you with some trouble shooting. However, if you need a giggle at your 2am feeding…read this blog and know that we are smiling with you.

Let’s start with some quotes from women who use breastfeeding to get out of things that they don’t want to do.

“Feeding the baby was always a great excuse to get out of some household chore, ‘Sorry honey, looks like you’ll have to do the dishes tonight, baby is ready to eat,’ or, ‘I didn’t get to the laundry today, the baby wanted to nurse all.day.long. Must be a growth spurt!’ Worked every time!” – Cheryl 

“During a large holiday get together, I would often go back to a bedroom claiming to need privacy for breastfeeding.  In truth, I just wanted a little Facebook time and to get away from some members of my family!” – Jennifer, who asked me not to use  her real name because she doesn’t want her family to know that she was hiding from them.

And now for the ladies who are HUNGRY.

“You are still your baby’s sole source of nutrition, just like when you are pregnant. However, your baby is a LOT larger now than when you were pregnant so you really are eating for two.  Maybe THREE.”  – Elizabeth

“Breastfeeding. It means more room in the diaper bag and less junk in the trunk.”. – Isla, but she says she heard this phrase from a meme so doesn’t think she deserves credit for saying it.

“I tell my husband that our twin girls love chocolate milk…. So I NEED chocolate.” – Amber

Your baby may help you out with your hunger as he gets a little older by putting his foot directly in his mouth as shown in the picture sent in by Tami.  Baby foot…yum!,

Sex and breastfeeding – sometimes messy, but hey, the ladies look fabulous.

“Let’s just say this about sex while nursing…wear a bra because let downs don’t just happen when baby is on the breast.” – anonymous

Inebriate and lubricate.” – Maria

“In my childbirth class, we talk about how spraying nipples might happen along with orgasm. I share how my husband took that as an indicator of success and would cheer. Think of it as a nice visible reminder that your man did a good job!” Heidi 

“My husband looked at my breasts the first day my milk came in and looked down at my son and said, ‘That’s all you, kid!’” – Beth

“I only miss breastfeeding because it was the two times in my life that I earned my D cup bra. Now they just lay sadly in my dresser drawer.” – Brenda

When the going gets tough.

“Woke up with mastitis. Unfortunately, ‘Mastitis’ isn’t a hot Italian guy with tons of money. It’s more like that terrible guy you met at a party in college that won’t leave and keeps calling you.”  – Abbie

“Seriously, buy an app or a bracelet or whatever, but nurse on both sides.  Otherwise you have to deal with one perky breast and on that always looks sad.” – Gina

Finally, what the celebrities say.  We care about that right? (Shockingly this section does not have a single quote from a Kardashian.)

“If anything else woke up every 45 minutes during the night demanding to see my wife’s breasts, you kill it, but with a baby, you’re like, ‘Wahoo!’” – Ryan Reynolds

“I stay healthy by working out but not dieting, because I am a milk machine.” – Gwyneth Paltrow

We all have nipples.” – Selma Blair (profound huh!)

Nursing in public is a whole other subject but I will just touch on it with this photo and quote from a colleague. She has a wicked sense of irony, yes? 

Of course nursing can be done discretely, such that the last thing people register is baby receiving nourishment.Jillian


(Cover photography by Heidi Thaden Pierce of Better Birth Doula.)